MeetMindful. MeetMindful is for singles who value mindfulness in all of its expressions: spirituality, wellness, green living, fitness, being of service, higher consciousness, and the creative arts of body, mind, and spirit. Whether you’re looking for friends, a partner, or someone who just “gets” you, MeetMindful is the meeting ground for your most life-changing and inspiring connections. New members can join MeetMindful for free, browse other like-minded people in their area, view their profiles, favorite members, see who they’ve matched with, receive new matches, and chat with other members. MeetMindful’s website also provides 1000s of mindful dating & relationship articles to help members along their dating journey. 

Here, Annie Lalla, Relationship and Dating Expert fills us in on some app dating tips.

3 Mistakes Men & Women Make When Online Dating…

Mistake #1: Your Profile is Boring

Most of us only walk into stores with window displays we find interesting. Plain, boring windows mean plain, boring shops. In a sea of mass possibilities you have to stand out in some way. No matter how valuable, creative, and high quality the “stock” is on the inside, we must represent the actual magnificence of our “goods” in our dating profile. That profile page is the only thing your future soulmate has to go on. They have to figure out the complex truth about who you are from a one page ad. Reality is holographic. That means the whole of you is contained in each part of you. “How you do one thing, is how you do everything.” 

Craft your personal bio into something that feels authentic and also makes you proud. Most people put more effort into a dentist’s intake form than their online profile. If you’re serious about finding a life partner, your bio page should be an accurate, expressive and triumphant howl of individuality. It must communicate your unique brand of magic across the the infinite chasm between the computer screen and your suitor’s heart. 

Some tips on crafting a great profile. Don’t brag AND Don’t be humble. 

Bragging is a desperate bid for attention and it indicates disbelief in your inherent worth. Nobody cares what you’ve done, they care about what you learned as a result. Talk about that. You can have pride in how you’ve grown through life’s experiences. Pride is congruent and never reduces the feeling of greatness in another. Bragging on the other hand feels like someone is stealing undeserved attention. It’s “look at me” rather than “look at this.”

As for humility, it has no place in a commercial; it comes across false and boring. If there’s anything at all that’s good about you, here’s your chance to share it. Self-deprecation is not rapport building unless you want to attract someone with lower self-esteem. No belittling or self-effacing humor. 

Somewhere between these two parameters (bragging and humility) is an honest, but compelling story that will inspire an interesting stranger to reach out to you. Write your profile from there.

Mistake #2: Being the Interviewee Instead of the Interviewer

Falling in love is romantic, but let’s be straight – when we look for our soulmate we’re interviewing for the most important role we’ll ever fill. We hire our mate to be our sanctuary, our sacred mirror, our teacher, and our trampoline. It’s a very serious position and should never be taken lightly. We choose a lifelong partner to build a future, perhaps a family, and to shape us further into greatness. Who we select to influence us day in and day out governs the path of our development (or lack thereof), forever. Your mate is the most important decision you will ever make. And when a job is this important, we don’t want to be in the position of hoping we’re good enough to be “hired,” rather, we should be wondering “are they the right fit for me?” 

Have high specs for yourself. Know your value and your worth. Never settle. Never, ever, ever settle. If you find yourself wondering “Am I settling?” (esp. after a year of research), then you probably are. 

When you create your online profile on MeetMindful, write it with your dream mate in mind as your ultimate customer. Be very specific, personal & honest in your descriptions, the same way you would in a job spec. “I’m looking for someone fun-loving” is way too vague & abstract. “Fun loving” can mean anything from playing pranks, partying, and white water rafting to diving out of airplanes sans parachute. Who knows? Instead, something like…“If you’re open to talking to strangers in costume at Burning Man, then we’ll be fast friends,” catches stronger attention from the right people. You’re not trying to get everyone’s attention, just that one special person who’s going to get you.

This idea of being the interviewer not the interviewee, applies to writing messages, texts and in person meetings. Remember, the way you get your “customer’s” attention isn’t by saying what you want to say, but by saying what they want to hear. This is a form of marketing after all, and your future partner wants to hear words that speak directly to their needs, desires, fears, and worries. Saying you want to meet someone “funny and kind” is talking about your wants. *Boring*. But if you said: “ When you’re with me, expect to spend most of your time laughing and feeling deeply considered,” then you’re talking about your “customer’s” wants. *Attractive*.  

People don’t fall in love with you. They fall in love with how they feel around you. Always imagine how your email, text, or comment will land over there with them. Get into their reality and re-read everything three times before sending. Close your eyes and imagine the other person receiving and hearing your words, and tune into how they might feel.

Notice also how you feel when you interact with them. If you feel contracted more than you feel expanded, it can mean being around them is stressful to your body. Do you want to be around that forever? Are they healthy for your growth? Do they believe in your dreams? Do they enhance your own sense of value, self-love and self-esteem? If the answer is more often than not a “no”, then they are not the right person for this job. Be picky and never settle.

Mistake #3: Not Meeting in Person as Soon as Possible

Online interactions are fraught with misunderstandings. It’s all a series of zeros and ones shuttling back and forth across the internet. It can be hard to feel someone’s being through a laptop. All the emotional, energetic, and non-verbal info that gets transmitted in real person-to-person interactions is mostly lost in online dialogue. It’s like going from high speed wifi to an old dial-up modem. The data transfer via chat is too slow and paltry. The bandwidth is so reduced you can barely stream a YouTube video, far less assess soul-mate potential.

Basically, as soon as you’ve asked enough questions, chatted on the phone, and confirmed they’re not a psychopath, get out there and meet them in the flesh. Nothing compares to the magnitude of data transference that comes from in-person meetings. 

Often we can feel shy to go from cyberspace to physical space, but the sooner you get out there, the faster your chances of snagging your life-partner or filtering out those who aren’t fit for this most important of jobs. We are not digital. No online avatar can ever compete with the breathing, smiling, wild unpredictability of a real live human. Be that human. 

The purpose of online dating is to find someone fun and meet offline as soon as possible. Get into the real world where you can see who you’re interested in, hear how they laugh, sniff out anything suspicious, taste the truth, and touch into what’s possible. 

You can’t marry a website anyway.