'Aight look. We all know it. Nothing looks better on a naked body than a bad-ass tan. Ok, and maybe a Elsa Paretti vintage silver cuff. And I know this fact intimately, as the amazing, gorgeous waffle and maple syrup colored tan I had for about 48 toasty colored hours essentially washed down the drain this morning. Tears!
Because it was good. Real good. Not cheap good. But almost-free-good as I actually used one of those promotional cards that you find stuck in your car door. This was was stuck in the front door of my apartment, I think.
It was for a new swanky, uber, meta mecca of a tanning salon on Robertson called SUNSTYLE. This place is crazy. I can't imagine what the rent it. It's huge and 'futuristic'. Blade Runner for tanners. Now I don't do this a lot…The only people that can afford it are:
CELEB ALERT: LANCE BASS AND LACEY SCWIMMER WHO I JUST SAW WALKING OUT OF HERE!!
Like ONCE a year on those god forsaken times when I have to be near naked. Like say, a bathing suit in Palm Springs. And I've always gone to UVA SUN on West 3rd street for this and done the ol Mystic Spray Tan. But last time I did it, before my best friends wedding, NOTHING HAPPENED. It sucked ass. And at $50 a pop or more (I've blocked it out) it was a total waste-o-rama.
So I was excited when, by chance the opportunity came up for me to get really naked (I'll keep those details to myself) and I got to use my free tan card at Sunstyle. I dug it out from a messy, deep drawer from where it was brilliantly stashed for a rainy day and made an appointment.
Turned out I could get the Mystic Tan only with this freebie and not to new super duper spray tan of the future whose name I don't remember and can't seem to find on the website. That one was $75 and my card was only good for $40. I sprung for the extra $35 and went for the gold.
And gold it was. There were computerized voices telling me when to shift, when to turn, and what was happening as there were many things going on: like drying and prepping and conditioning. Bottom line, I walked outta there looking like I just got off the plane from Cabo. And it only got better. By that night I was looking like Ms. Butterworth.
For a day or two I could almost smell the ocean whose shores I had pretend sat upon on my pretend vacation at Las Ventanas. The tan made me skinny and sexy and I had to go out immediately and spend $250 at Vicky Secret to give it the lingerie it was worthy of and so deserved!
And then it all washed away down the shower drown in an invisible creamy peanut butter wave not 72 hours later.
As they say, it's good while it lasts. It's a cancer free tan so what do you expect. If you need to look rip roaring hot for a few hours. This is the spray tan for you. Now if only I could remember the name of the machine…?
I got it!! It's the VERSA SPA like 8 step process or something.
and…you can join for $200 and then get unlimited tans for $125/month.
There is also a girl there named JADE who I hear does amazing custom spray tanning and I cannot wait to try that next!
http://sunstyle.la/
627 N Robertson Blvd
West Hollywood, CA 90069
(310) 289-9200